Fred Allen - Quotes

There are 50 quotes by Fred Allen at 95quotes.com. Find your favorite quotations and top quotes by Fred Allen from this hand-picked collection about life, time. Feel free to share these quotes and sayings on Facebook, Pinterest, Tumblr & Twitter or any of your favorite social networking sites.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

A conference is a gathering of people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done. ---->>>

Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.

Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.

California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.

California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

It is probably not love that makes the world go around, but rather those mutually supportive alliances through which partners recognize their dependence on each other for the achievement of shared and private goals. ---->>>

The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand.

The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand.

Committee - a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done. ---->>>

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.

What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement. ---->>>

Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.

Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.

If I could get my membership fee back, I'd resign from the human race. ---->>>

The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.

The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.

The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on a desk that has been exposed to conference. ---->>>

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done. ---->>>

A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.

A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.

An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.

An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.

I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy. ---->>>

My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.

My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.

An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt. ---->>>

Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners. ---->>>

I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is. ---->>>

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted. ---->>>

Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making. ---->>>

All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.

All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.

A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on. ---->>>

An actor's popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match. ---->>>

I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement.

I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement.

An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer. ---->>>

Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great. ---->>>

Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year. ---->>>

I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin. ---->>>

We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion. ---->>>

Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you. ---->>>

Television is the triumph of machine over people.

Television is the triumph of machine over people.

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars. ---->>>

California is a great place to live if you're an orange. ---->>>

Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything. ---->>>

The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed. ---->>>

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart. ---->>>

A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better. ---->>>

During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk; today we have small men enjoying big talk. ---->>>

Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent. ---->>>

I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars. ---->>>

My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama. ---->>>

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Biography

Nationality: American
Born: May 31, 1894
Birthplace:
Die: 03-17, 1956
Occupation: Comedian
Website:

John Florence Sullivan (May 31, 1894 – March 17, 1956), known professionally as Fred Allen, was an American comedian whose absurdist, topically-pointed radio program The Fred Allen Show (1932–1949) made him one of the most popular and forward-looking humorists in the Golden Age of American radio (wikipedia)