George Burns - Quotes

There are 38 quotes by George Burns at 95quotes.com. Find your favorite quotations and top quotes by George Burns from this hand-picked collection about sex. Feel free to share these quotes and sayings on Facebook, Pinterest, Tumblr & Twitter or any of your favorite social networking sites.

You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.

You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth. ---->>>

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible. ---->>>

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it. ---->>>

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair. ---->>>

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

Be quick to learn and wise to know.

Be quick to learn and wise to know.

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there. ---->>>

At my age flowers scare me.

At my age flowers scare me.

Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up. ---->>>

Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made. ---->>>

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down. ---->>>

Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.

Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.

I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.

The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made. ---->>>

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty. ---->>>

You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made. ---->>>

Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere. ---->>>

I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.

I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.

I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age. ---->>>

It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.

It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.

It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty. ---->>>

I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money. ---->>>

I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something. ---->>>

I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now - I'm booked. ---->>>

How can I die? I'm booked. ---->>>

This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two. ---->>>

I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere. ---->>>

If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and they pay me enough, I'll do it. ---->>>

Biography

Nationality: American
Born: January 20, 1896
Birthplace: in New York, New York, The United States
Die: 03-09, 1996
Occupation: Comedian
Website:

George Burns (born Nathan Birnbaum; January 20, 1896 – March 9, 1996) was an American comedian, actor, singer, and writer. He was one of the few entertainers whose career successfully spanned vaudeville, radio, film and television. His arched eyebrow and cigar-smoke punctuation became familiar trademarks for over three quarters of a century (wikipedia)