Jay Leno - Quotes

There are 40 quotes by Jay Leno at 95quotes.com. Find your favorite quotations and top quotes by Jay Leno from this hand-picked collection about money. Feel free to share these quotes and sayings on Facebook, Pinterest, Tumblr & Twitter or any of your favorite social networking sites.

The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.

The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

The University of Nebraska says that elderly people that drink beer or wine at least four times a week have the highest bone density. They need it - they're the ones falling down the most. ---->>>

Major league baseball has asked its players to stop tossing baseballs into the stands during games, because they say fans fight over them and they get hurt. In fact, the Florida Marlins said that's why they never hit any home runs. It's a safety issue. ---->>>

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'? ---->>>

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?' ---->>>

For the first time ever, overweight people outnumber average people in America. Doesn't that make overweight the average then? Last month you were fat, now you're average - hey, let's get a pizza! ---->>>

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. ---->>>

If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. ---->>>

Al Jazeera aired a new tape of Osama bin Laden. It was the usual stuff, he called Bush evil, the Great Satan, called him a war monger. Basically, the same thing you heard at last night's Democratic debate. ---->>>

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it. ---->>>

If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology. ---->>>

You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh. ---->>>

The Washington Bullets are changing their name. They don't want their team to be associated with crime. From now on, they'll just be known as the Bullets. ---->>>

Politics is just show business for ugly people.

Politics is just show business for ugly people.

I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good. Maybe you're not the best, so you should work a little harder. ---->>>

If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates. ---->>>

I didn't realize it was October until I saw the Chicago Cubs choking. ---->>>

Now, today is the day we honor, of course, the Presidents, ranging from George Washington, who couldn't tell a lie, to George Bush, who couldn't tell the truth, to Bill Clinton, who couldn't tell the difference. ---->>>

The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up. ---->>>

You're not famous until my mother has heard of you.

You're not famous until my mother has heard of you.

I was in the ROTC. Of course, ROTC stood for 'Running off to Canada.' ---->>>

In America, we like everyone to know about the good work we're doing anonymously. ---->>>

If I have one advantage, it's that I will try to work harder than the next guy. ---->>>

My stockbroker asked me something important today: paper or plastic? ---->>>

People don't mind if you have a lot of money if they know you're working for it. ---->>>

You aren't famous until my mother has heard of you.

You aren't famous until my mother has heard of you.

More coming out about Saddam Hussein. We now know he takes Viagra and he has as many as six mistresses. No wonder Congress is reluctant to take action against this guy - he's one of their own. ---->>>

Nineteen percent of doctors say that they'd be able to give their patients a lethal injection. But they also went on to say that the patient would have to be really, really behind on payments. ---->>>

Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers. ---->>>

Do you know what White House correspondents call actors who pose as reporters? Anchors. ---->>>

You cannot be mad at somebody who makes you laugh... it's as simple as that. ---->>>

The best way to ruin a comedy is to throw a lot of money at it. ---->>>

Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.

Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.

According to New York publishers, Bill Clinton will get more money for his book than Hillary Clinton got for hers. Well, duh. At least his book has some sex in it. ---->>>

The Bush administration said today there is a lot of support for us to attack Iraq. Exxon, Mobil, Texaco, Chevron, they're all lining up. ---->>>

The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow 'Operation Re-elect Bush' doesn't seem to be popular. ---->>>

Today, one year after their divorce, Pamela and Tommy Lee announced they're getting back together. You know what that means? There's still hope for Ike and Tina Turner. ---->>>

Biography

Name: Jay Leno
Nationality: American
Born: 04-28, 1950
Birthplace: in New Rochelle, New York, The United States
Die:
Occupation: Comedian
Website:

James Douglas Muir "Jay" Leno (; born April 28, 1950) is an American comedian, actor, philanthropist and television host. After doing standup comedy for years, he became the host of NBC's The Tonight Show with Jay Leno from 1992 to 2009. Beginning in September 2009, Leno started a primetime talk show, titled The Jay Leno Show, which aired weeknights at 10:00 p (wikipedia)