John Oliver - Quotes

There are 88 quotes by John Oliver at 95quotes.com. Find your favorite quotations and top quotes by John Oliver from this hand-picked collection about life, time. Feel free to share these quotes and sayings on Facebook, Pinterest, Tumblr & Twitter or any of your favorite social networking sites.

Being a Mets fan is like lending someone a lot of money and you just know that you'll never get paid back.

Being a Mets fan is like lending someone a lot of money and you just know that you'll never get paid back.

As any Brit will understand, things get a little easier when you don't have to be number one any more. Really, the fall of an empire is not as bad as everyone thinks. It's like retirement. People fear retirement, but it can turn out be rather pleasant. ---->>>

The British media is sinking down, as the American news media has lowered the bar for all of humanity. British news media is definitely trying to stoop down to that level. Everyone is stooping to the lowest common denominator. ---->>>

I get nostalgic for British negativity. There is an inherent hope and positive drive to New Yorkers. When you go back to Britain, everybody is just running everything down. It's like whatever the opposite of a hug is.

I get nostalgic for British negativity. There is an inherent hope and positive drive to New Yorkers. When you go back to Britain, everybody is just running everything down. It's like whatever the opposite of a hug is.

Politics has become infused with narcissism in America. ---->>>

There are some people who watch NASCAR for the highly skilled driving - but most people watch it for the crashes. ---->>>

Campaign ads are the backbone of American democracy if American democracy suffered a gigantic spinal injury. ---->>>

Congress never loses its capacity to disappoint you. ---->>>

I think puns are not just the lowest form of wit, but the lowest form of human behavior. ---->>>

There is an inherent hope and positive drive to New Yorkers. ---->>>

When you're dealing with serious subjects, there is a pressure to be absolutely sure that you know what you're doing. ---->>>

Stand-up comedy seems like a terrifying thing. Objectively. Before anyone has done it, it seems like one of the most frightening things you could conceive, and there's just no shortcut - you just have to do it. ---->>>

Attending a Sarah Palin rally was simultaneously one of the strangest and most chilling events of my life. ---->>>

I can't relax. I find vacations problematic. ---->>>

I really love stand-up. I'm more than happy to do it for nothing. I've come to America to do it for nothing. It's the American Dream: Work for free. ---->>>

Southern people are bigger-hearted and kinder than I had any right to expect. ---->>>

Veterans' issues are quite close to my heart. I find it quite hard to talk about, actually. ---->>>

You just try to be true to your idea of what is funny and what is also interesting. ---->>>

I've made so many people angry that they kind of blur into one unpleasant memory of people staring at you with somewhere between passive aggression and active aggression. ---->>>

My first 'Daily Show' piece was pretending I had this terrible immigrant journey, so I went to talk to an immigration lawyer who would help out people, and I ran into him in Penn Station about three months after I'd gotten the green card. I said, 'I got my green card yesterday.' And he hugged me because he understood that level of relief. ---->>>

People, I guess, generally come to see me do stand-up with a working knowledge of my broad sense of humor on 'The Daily Show'... I don't think anyone would mistake me as an actual anchor.

People, I guess, generally come to see me do stand-up with a working knowledge of my broad sense of humor on 'The Daily Show'... I don't think anyone would mistake me as an actual anchor.

I did sketch comedy, but I never did improv. So I've just tried to learn as I go. ---->>>

I'm always interested in audience interaction. Not so much aggressive audience interaction - I'm genuinely interested in how people see things. ---->>>

It's pretty physically unsettling, living life on a visa.

It's pretty physically unsettling, living life on a visa.

Sometimes it's good to remember how bad food can be, so you can enjoy the concept of flavour to the fullest.

Sometimes it's good to remember how bad food can be, so you can enjoy the concept of flavour to the fullest.

There's never any time I think I'm a real journalist, because I don't have any of the qualifications or the intentions for that. ---->>>

When you've married someone who's been at war, there is nothing you can do that compares to that level of selflessness and bravery. ---->>>

I think Americans still can't help but respond to the natural authority of this voice. Deep down they long to be told what to do by a British accent. That's why so many infomercials have British people. ---->>>

My family are from Liverpool, so I have some twang there - I have a Midlands accent, and I was raised about an hour north of London, so my voice is a mess. Although, to American ears, it sounds like the crisp language of a queen's butler. ---->>>

Australia turns out to be a sensational place, albeit one of the most comfortably racist places I've ever been in. They've really settled into their intolerance like an old resentful slipper. ---->>>

I'm not really much of an actor, so when I started on 'The Daily Show,' I was just trying to adopt the faux authority of a newsperson. Having a British accent definitely gave me a sonic leg up on that because there is a faux authority to the British accent in and of itself. ---->>>

Most stand-ups, once they have done it, think of it as their default job. I'm pretty sure Jon Stewart still feels that way now. You are a stand-up first; other things come and go. ---->>>

We in Britain stopped evolving gastronomically with the advent of the pie. Everything beyond that seemed like a brave, frightening new world. We knew the French were up to something across the Channel, but we didn't want anything to do with it. ---->>>

I have occasionally - if ever I do interviews that are difficult or nerve-wracking - I take my wife's dog tags and have them in my pocket because it's a very quick way to realize that what I'm doing is not that important. It's not really worth getting stressed about because it's not, you know, war. ---->>>

If I wanted to take a more activist or journalistic slant in work, I should probably just go be an activist or a journalist. But I'm happy being a comedian. ---->>>

I wanted to be a soccer player. I knew that couldn't happen. ---->>>

I feel more at home knowing I'm not really at home. It takes all the pressure off you trying to fit in! ---->>>

Having a human conversation is not something I've had any training in either as a comedian or as, you know, a human being. ---->>>

I watch one news channel until my soul can't take it anymore. It's the background of my life. ---->>>

I'm British, so obviously I repress any powerful emotions of any kind in relation to anything. ---->>>

It's a great time to be doing political satire when the world is on a knife edge. ---->>>

You have to do stand-up quite a long time before you learn how to do it well. ---->>>

I have exactly as much rhythm as you think I have. ---->>>

I realize how desperate it sounds for me, as a comedian, to ask you to laugh at my jokes. ---->>>

I would hate to meet myself at 15. ---->>>

I would much rather America was a more stable, wonderful place. You know, I love it. ---->>>

I've always been interested in socially political, or overtly political, comedy. ---->>>

It's exciting to have a role in anything that's Claymation, just because you're always intrigued by what a clay wizard version of yourself would be. ---->>>

People in Britain see Richard Quest as a kind of an offensive cartoon character. ---->>>

Stand-up, for me, is really more of an addiction, so you have to feed the beast whenever you can. ---->>>

The moment I accept that there's an artistic, redeeming quality in puns, I have a horrible feeling I'll get hooked. ---->>>

There are two kinds of hecklers: the destructive and constructive hecklers. ---->>>

When you're doing stand-up, you want to stand onstage and, to the extent that you can, uncomplicatedly entertain. ---->>>

My family is from Liverpool, so I have some of those vowel sounds, I've got the slack tone of someone from Birmingham, and then I was raised in Bedford, which is just north of London. So my accent, if it's possible, makes even less sense to a Brit than to an American. ---->>>

There are so many low points with stand-up. You are perpetually humiliated, so it doesn't really matter anymore. I don't have any dignity left to lose. An audience can't hurt you anymore when you've been completely dismantled. ---->>>

I've always been interested in socially political, or overtly political, comedy. And I guess I've always liked to channel some kind of personal element to that. ---->>>

In improv, the whole thing is that it is a relationship between the two people, as a back and forth. In standup, you don't really want to be listening to what somebody is saying; you want to project your jokes into their face. And that's really not a good instinct with a 'Daily Show' field piece, where it's supposed to be an interview. ---->>>

If you work on a comedy show, your basic form of communication is teasing. That's generally how we speak to each other: you communicate the information between the lines of insulting sentences. ---->>>

If you're asking me, would I have voted for Mitt Romney, the answer is absolutely not. Emphatically not. I cannot envision a world in which I would have voted for Mitt Romney unless I sustained a massive concussion. ---->>>

In improv, the whole thing is that it is a relationship between the two people, as a back and forth. In standup, you don't really want to be listening to what somebody is saying; you want to project your jokes into their face. ---->>>

It was probably years before I was confident enough in stand-up that I was able to talk about the things I wanted to talk about, the way I wanted to talk about them. ---->>>

You don't really know when stand-up material is TV ready; it's just at what point you're willing to let it go and not work on it anymore. I'm not sure there is a point at which you think: 'And that is finished.' ---->>>

You have to do stand-up quite a long time before you learn how to do it well. It was probably years before I was confident enough in stand-up that I was able to talk about the things I wanted to talk about, the way I wanted to talk about them. ---->>>

It really helps a comedian to be an outsider. ---->>>

The disconnect between America and its military is shocking. ---->>>

I'm not really much of an actor, so when I started on 'The Daily Show', I was just trying to adopt the faux authority of a newsperson. ---->>>

A Southern accent is not a club in my bag. ---->>>

Americans just don't understand dry wit. ---->>>

Armando Iannucci is one of my heroes. As I was growing up, he was probably the most influential comic voice that I had. ---->>>

Every empire has to get sucked down the drain. As a British person, I know how it feels. ---->>>

I feel non-stop Brit shame! ---->>>

I find it hard in my general life to think further than the week ahead. ---->>>

I knew I was going to go into the field and make fun of people to their faces. I knew what I was getting into. ---->>>

I know I'd be an absolutely horrendous politician. ---->>>

I would never heckle someone. That's why I think I'm so interested in someone that would. ---->>>

I'm British; pessimism is my wheelhouse. ---->>>

I've said yes to everything that Jon Stewart has asked me to do. That's been a pretty good career decision, I think. ---->>>

People are friendlier in New York than London.

People are friendlier in New York than London.

Politicians don't really bring up religion in England.

Politicians don't really bring up religion in England.

The British press are a group of unremitting scumbags. And sometimes they use that scumbaggery to good ends, and often not. ---->>>

There is no greater anesthetic than sport.

There is no greater anesthetic than sport.

You can write jokes at any point of the day. Jokes are not that hard to write, or they shouldn't be when it is literally your job. ---->>>

Here in America, people come out to see what they've known you to do. In England, it's like everyone comes out to tell you exactly how well they think you're doing. ---->>>

I do one accent - my own. I can make it louder or quieter. That is the sum total of my vocal range. I thought I could do an American accent until I tried it in front of an American - the expression of horror is still burnt onto my retinas. ---->>>

People are always going to say stupid things, and you're always going to be able to make jokes about that, but it should be the last thing you add in, because it's the easiest thing. ---->>>

People really have come for a dialogue when they go to a stand-up show in the U.K. They say, 'I understand that you have now finished your little comedy monologue; now I have something to say regarding what I've just heard. ---->>>

The only thing I'm nervous about is talking to guests like human beings, because all of my interviews so far have been attacking people. I have a genuine concern about sitting across from an actor whose movies I obviously haven't seen. ---->>>

There is so much cross-pollination between the U.S. and Britain in terms of comedians. British TV comedies work well in the U.S. American stand-ups make it big in Britain. ---->>>

Biography

Nationality: British
Born: 04-23, 1977
Birthplace:
Die:
Occupation: Comedian

John William Oliver (born 23 April 1977) is an English comedian, political commentator, and actor. He is the host of the HBO political talk-show Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (2014–present). He is the recipient of five Primetime Emmy Awards and two Writers Guild Awards. Oliver became known in the United States for his work on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart (wikipedia)