Jon Stewart - Quotes

There are 36 quotes by Jon Stewart at 95quotes.com. Find your favorite quotations and top quotes by Jon Stewart from this hand-picked collection . Feel free to share these quotes and sayings on Facebook, Pinterest, Tumblr & Twitter or any of your favorite social networking sites.

Insomnia is my greatest inspiration. ---->>>

If you watch the news and don't like it, then this is your counter program to the news. ---->>>

Why is it that if you take advantage of a corporate tax break you're a smart businessman, but if you take advantage of something so you don't go hungry, you're a moocher? ---->>>

Liberal and conservative have lost their meaning in America. I represent the distracted center. ---->>>

Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch. ---->>>

If the events of September 11, 2001, have proven anything, it's that the terrorists can attack us, but they can't take away what makes us American - our freedom, our liberty, our civil rights. No, only Attorney General John Ashcroft can do that.

If the events of September 11, 2001, have proven anything, it's that the terrorists can attack us, but they can't take away what makes us American - our freedom, our liberty, our civil rights. No, only Attorney General John Ashcroft can do that.

You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to look back on my career and be proud of the work, and be proud that I tried everything. Yes, I want to look back and know that I was terrible at a variety of things.

You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to look back on my career and be proud of the work, and be proud that I tried everything. Yes, I want to look back and know that I was terrible at a variety of things.

The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom. ---->>>

The Supreme Court ruled that disabled golfer Casey Martin has a legal right to ride in a golf cart between shots at PGA Tour events. Man, the next thing you know, they're going to have some guy carry his clubs around for him.

The Supreme Court ruled that disabled golfer Casey Martin has a legal right to ride in a golf cart between shots at PGA Tour events. Man, the next thing you know, they're going to have some guy carry his clubs around for him.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea. ---->>>

There is no such thing as an impartial jury because there are no impartial people. There are people that argue on the web for hours about who their favorite character on 'Friends' is. ---->>>

I want to look back on my career and be proud of the work, and be proud that I tried everything. ---->>>

McVeigh's lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite frankly, I could have done. ---->>>

Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will get you laid. ---->>>

I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days. ---->>>

I don't care about wealth. What seems to be upsetting is institutionalizing the advantages that wealth gives you. ---->>>

I was born in New York City, but I was raised in New Jersey, part of the great Jewish emigration of 1963.

I was born in New York City, but I was raised in New Jersey, part of the great Jewish emigration of 1963.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over. ---->>>

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime. ---->>>

Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the willing. Or, as the rest of the world calls them, Britain and Spain. ---->>>

More than 150 heads of state attended the UN Summit, giving New Yorkers a chance to get in touch with prejudices they didn't even know they had. ---->>>

A joke is a joke. There's an expression - I don't know if you have it - that's 'adding insult to injury.' ---->>>

I heard Dennis Kucinich say in a debate, 'When I'm president... and I just wanted to stop him and say, 'Dude.' ---->>>

I'm thrilled to be asked to host the Academy Awards for the second time because, as they say, the third time's a charm. ---->>>

Many of our soldiers are stationed at Camp Coyote just south of the Iraqi border. This is how you know we have a strong army, when you can actually tell your enemy exactly where your camp is and what its name is. ---->>>

Here's the point - you're looking at affirmative action, and you're looking at marijuana. You legalize marijuana, no need for quotas, because really, who's gonna wanna work?

Here's the point - you're looking at affirmative action, and you're looking at marijuana. You legalize marijuana, no need for quotas, because really, who's gonna wanna work?

The seven marvels that best represent man's achievements over the last 2,000 years will be determined by Internet vote... so look for Howard Stern's Private Parts to come in No. 1. ---->>>

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it! ---->>>

If you're going to give people 20 minutes of news satire, you've also got to give them Tiffani-Amber Thiessen or you're going to have rioting in the streets. ---->>>

Our culture is just a series of checks and balances. The whole idea that we're in a battle between tyranny and freedom - it's a series of pendulum swings.

Our culture is just a series of checks and balances. The whole idea that we're in a battle between tyranny and freedom - it's a series of pendulum swings.

I'm not just a boy toy. I have feelings and dreams like anybody else.

I'm not just a boy toy. I have feelings and dreams like anybody else.

I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character. ---->>>

I can be in 20 movies. But I'll never be an actor. ---->>>

President Bush remained undeterred by the massive display of American opposition, even though much of it came from the hundreds of thousands of voters who supported him by voting for Nader. ---->>>

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food. ---->>>

Biography

Nationality: American
Born: 11-28, 1962
Birthplace:
Die:
Occupation: Entertainer
Website:

Jon Stewart (born Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz, November 28, 1962) is an American comedian, writer, producer, director, actor, media critic, and former television host. He was the host of The Daily Show, a satirical news program on Comedy Central, from 1999 until 2015. Stewart started as a stand-up comedian, but branched into television as host of Short Attention Span Theater for Comedy Central (wikipedia)