Josh Billings - Quotes

There are 80 quotes by Josh Billings at 95quotes.com. Find your favorite quotations and top quotes by Josh Billings from this hand-picked collection about love, life, god, time, money, wisdom. Feel free to share these quotes and sayings on Facebook, Pinterest, Tumblr & Twitter or any of your favorite social networking sites.

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.

There are some people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the truth without lying.

There are some people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the truth without lying.

Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there. ---->>>

There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory.

There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory.

There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness.

There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness.

Life is short, but it's long enough to ruin any man who wants to be ruined.

Life is short, but it's long enough to ruin any man who wants to be ruined.

One of the greatest victories you can gain over someone is to beat him at politeness. ---->>>

Honesty is the rarest wealth anyone can possess, and yet all the honesty in the world ain't lawful tender for a loaf of bread.

Honesty is the rarest wealth anyone can possess, and yet all the honesty in the world ain't lawful tender for a loaf of bread.

A puppy plays with every pup he meets, but an old dog has few associates. ---->>>

Economy is a savings-bank, into which men drop pennies, and get dollars in return. ---->>>

Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it.

Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it.

There are two things in life for which we are never truly prepared: twins. ---->>>

Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.

Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.

There are two kinds of fools: those who can't change their opinions and those who won't.

There are two kinds of fools: those who can't change their opinions and those who won't.

Be kind to your mother-in-law, but pay for her board at some good hotel. ---->>>

The best time for you to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust.

The best time for you to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust.

Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.

Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.

Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.

Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.

Genius ain't anything more than elegant common sense.

Genius ain't anything more than elegant common sense.

As a general thing, when a woman wears the pants in a family, she has a good right to them.

As a general thing, when a woman wears the pants in a family, she has a good right to them.

If you ever find happiness by hunting for it, you will find it, as the old woman did her lost spectacles, safe on her own nose all the time. ---->>>

Money will buy a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail.

Money will buy a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail.

Love looks through a telescope; envy, through a microscope.

Love looks through a telescope; envy, through a microscope.

Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute.

Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute.

The wheel that squeaks the loudest is the one that gets the grease. ---->>>

The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way. ---->>>

There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.

There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.

Confess your sins to the Lord and you will be forgiven; confess them to man and you will be laughed at. ---->>>

Advice is like castor oil, easy enough to give but dreadful uneasy to take. ---->>>

Adversity has the same effect on a man that severe training has on the pugilist: it reduces him to his fighting weight. ---->>>

There is no greater evidence of superior intelligence than to be surprised at nothing.

There is no greater evidence of superior intelligence than to be surprised at nothing.

One of the best temporary cures for pride and affectation is seasickness; a man who wants to vomit never puts on airs. ---->>>

Common sense is instinct, and enough of it is genius.

Common sense is instinct, and enough of it is genius.

Most people repent their sins by thanking God they ain't so wicked as their neighbors.

Most people repent their sins by thanking God they ain't so wicked as their neighbors.

Laughter is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it principally in one place.

Laughter is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it principally in one place.

It is not all bad, this getting old, ripening. After the fruit has got its growth it should juice up and mellow. God forbid I should live long enough to ferment and rot and fall to the ground in a squash. ---->>>

Learning sleeps and snores in libraries, but wisdom is everywhere, wide awake, on tiptoe.

Learning sleeps and snores in libraries, but wisdom is everywhere, wide awake, on tiptoe.

One of the rarest things that a man ever does, is to do the best he can. ---->>>

Men mourn for what they have lost; women for what they ain't got.

Men mourn for what they have lost; women for what they ain't got.

There's a lot of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it.

There's a lot of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it.

The man whose only pleasure in life is making money, weighs less on the moral scale than an angleworm.

The man whose only pleasure in life is making money, weighs less on the moral scale than an angleworm.

I have lived in this world just long enough to look carefully the second time into things that I am most certain of the first time. ---->>>

It is much easier to repent of sins that we have committed than to repent of those that we intend to commit. ---->>>

A good way I know to find happiness, is to not bore a hole to fit the plug. ---->>>

Words are often seen hunting for an idea, but ideas are never seen hunting for words. ---->>>

Most people when they come to you for advice, come to have their own opinions strengthened, not corrected. ---->>>

Old maids sweeten their tea with scandal. ---->>>

Reason often makes mistakes, but conscience never does.

Reason often makes mistakes, but conscience never does.

The trouble with people is not that they don't know but that they know so much that ain't so. ---->>>

To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while.

To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while.

About the only difference between the poor and the rich, is this, the poor suffer misery, while the rich have to enjoy it. ---->>>

About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment. ---->>>

Don't ever prophesy; for if you prophesy wrong, nobody will forget it; and if you prophesy right, nobody will remember it. ---->>>

I think when the full horror of being fifty hits you, you should stay home and have a good cry.

I think when the full horror of being fifty hits you, you should stay home and have a good cry.

If there was no faith there would be no living in this world. We could not even eat hash with any safety. ---->>>

It ain't often that a man's reputation outlasts his money.

It ain't often that a man's reputation outlasts his money.

Knowledge is like money: the more he gets, the more he craves. ---->>>

Man was created a little lower than the angels and has been getting a little lower ever since. ---->>>

Threescore years and ten is enough; if a man can't suffer all the misery he wants in that time, he must be numb. ---->>>

It's not only the most difficult thing to know one's self, but the most inconvenient. ---->>>

There is nothing so easy to learn as experience and nothing so hard to apply.

There is nothing so easy to learn as experience and nothing so hard to apply.

There are people who are always anticipating trouble, and in this way they manage to enjoy many sorrows that never really happen to them. ---->>>

I haven't got as much money as some folks, but I've got as much impudence as any of them, and that's the next thing to money. ---->>>

Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are, and doing things as they ought to be done. ---->>>

Wisdom has never made a bigot, but learning has.

Wisdom has never made a bigot, but learning has.

Woman's influence is powerful, especially when she wants something. ---->>>

The thinner the ice, the more anxious is everyone to see whether it will bear.

The thinner the ice, the more anxious is everyone to see whether it will bear.

When a man comes to me for advice, I find out the kind of advice he wants, and I give it to him.

When a man comes to me for advice, I find out the kind of advice he wants, and I give it to him.

As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.

As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.

It is a very delicate job to forgive a man, without lowering him in his own estimation, and yours too. ---->>>

Take all the fools out of this world and there wouldn't be any fun living in it, or profit.

Take all the fools out of this world and there wouldn't be any fun living in it, or profit.

It is better to know nothing than to know what ain't so.

It is better to know nothing than to know what ain't so.

Love is said to be blind, but I know some fellows in love who can see twice as much in their sweethearts as I do.

Love is said to be blind, but I know some fellows in love who can see twice as much in their sweethearts as I do.

No one can disgrace us but ourselves.

No one can disgrace us but ourselves.

Remember the poor, it costs nothing. ---->>>

The road to ruin is always in good repair, and the travellers pay the expense of it. ---->>>

I have never known a person to live to be one hundred and be remarkable for anything else. ---->>>

If a man should happen to reach perfection in this world, he would have to die immediately to enjoy himself. ---->>>

The best medicine I know for rheumatism is to thank the Lord that it ain't gout. ---->>>

Time is like money, the less we have of it to spare the further we make it go. ---->>>

Biography

Nationality: American
Born: April 21, 1818
Birthplace: in Lanesborough, Massachusetts, The United States
Die: 01-01, 1970
Occupation: Comedian
Website:

Josh Billings was the pen name of 19th-century American humorist Henry Wheeler Shaw (April 21, 1818 – October 14, 1885). He was a famous humor writer and lecturer in the United States, perhaps second only to Mark Twain, during the latter half of the 19th century.(wikipedia)