Robert Orben - Quotes

There are 39 quotes by Robert Orben at 95quotes.com. Find your favorite quotations and top quotes by Robert Orben from this hand-picked collection about time, humor. Feel free to share these quotes and sayings on Facebook, Pinterest, Tumblr & Twitter or any of your favorite social networking sites.

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success. ---->>>

A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in. ---->>>

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. ---->>>

There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all. ---->>>

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work. ---->>>

Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards. ---->>>

Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right? ---->>>

Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator. ---->>>

Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work. ---->>>

To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so. ---->>>

Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected. ---->>>

I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home. ---->>>

Spring is God's way of saying, 'One more time!' ---->>>

Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian. ---->>>

Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral. ---->>>

I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself. ---->>>

There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers. ---->>>

Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights! ---->>>

Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch. ---->>>

Every speaker has a mouth; An arrangement rather neat. Sometimes it's filled with wisdom. Sometimes it's filled with feet. ---->>>

Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price. ---->>>

Quit worrying about your health. It will go away. ---->>>

Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings. ---->>>

In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative; fight, flee - or laugh. ---->>>

Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket. ---->>>

Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people. ---->>>

The secret of writing comedy is to know where it's all going, then get ahead of it. ---->>>

What bothers me about TV is that it tends to take our minds off our minds. ---->>>

If you can laugh together, you can work together. ---->>>

Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as time-released success. ---->>>

Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down. ---->>>

Do your kids a favor - don't have any. ---->>>

Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years. ---->>>

With my luck, if I ever invested in General Motors, they'd bust it to Corporal! ---->>>

The chance to be seen as a warm, witty guy is too good an opportunity for a politician to miss. ---->>>

More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems: back taxes, back rent, back auto payments. ---->>>

President Ford used humor a great deal. ---->>>

Telling a joke is risk taking. Younger people are more insecure and not willing to put themselves on the line, so a quick one-liner is much safer. ---->>>

I remember when humor was gentle pokes. I used to call it 'arm around the shoulder' humor. Now they go for the jugular and they take no prisoners. It's mean, mean stuff. ---->>>

Biography

Nationality: American
Born: 03-04, 1927
Birthplace:
Die:
Occupation: Entertainer
Website:

Robert Orben (born March 4, 1927) is an American professional comedy writer, although he also worked as a magician. He has written multiple books on comedy, mostly collections of gags and "one-liners" originally written for his newsletter, Orben's Current Comedy, and has also written books for magicians (wikipedia)